Throughout this essay, I encountered many difficulties and I have found Mindedge unclear at times. At first, I did not truly understand the meaning of a thesis statement or where exactly it belong. After reading my instructor’s feedback, I gained a better understanding of what a thesis meant and I will use it to improve my essay. In my draft, I did not state my thesis properly. In my reading “Some Lessons From The Assembly Line” by Andrew Braaksma, which is about a college student who gained an experience by working on an assembly line. The author mentioned how hard and unpleasant could by the blue collar life and he stated why one must go to college. I mentioned my claim which was the importance of education and why students with jobs while in college tend to be successful, but I also had a hard time with the thesis. With my revision, the thesis will be the first thing I will be addressing. In my claim, I stated why Students with jobs while in college are more likely to succeed in their career than the ones who don’t.
My first revision strategy will be printing a hard copy. Having a hard copy can facilitate the reading and also can be more comfortable to take the essay around. Even that I like the use of computers and the new ways of technology, I still prefer writing with pen and paper. My other strategy will be using a friend or family for my essay revision. My peer will evaluate every little mistake that I have looked pass and will revise my grammar structure and tone. Also, can help me come with some new ideas for my essay. I will be giving my essay to someone with more experience than me, such as my aunt. Particularly in the body paragraphs where I first provided many details and insights but also failed to connect it to my selected reading.
Based on my professor feedback, I am now aware of the specific areas in my draft that I need work on. One of which is avoid using first person point of view, using the small-scale revision strategy will be able to help me with that. Allowing me to proofread my draft, make any correction, and finding replacement words for first person points of view such as I, me and my. My last step in my revision process, I will send my essay over to the writing center after I review it with an application that I use to correct my grammar and punctuation. Overall, now that I am aware of my errors I will go over every paragraph and fix my mistakes by connecting and providing more details about my selected reading.
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